We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
