i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
