some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize