You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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