the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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