he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
