i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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