i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
