i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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