I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
