PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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