Soap is not a condiment
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Drunk is not a location!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
