woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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