i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
