Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
