I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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