Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Drunk is not a location!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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