oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
