I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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