just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
