I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
