All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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