i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Boobs are out for the taking
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
