Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
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Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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