it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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