brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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