I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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