you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
