Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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