so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
