Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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