....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
