can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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