Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
