you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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