So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
