cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
