And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You are a genius and a whore.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
