so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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