Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
