party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
