Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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