The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
