So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
