dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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