Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
