she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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