that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
a search helicopter?!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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