I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
