I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
