mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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