Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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