Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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