do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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