1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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