Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
