You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
