his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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