Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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