Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm both gender and math confused
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
