she looked like the before picture.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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