what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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