your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
