I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
