I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have feelings that need drinking.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
