so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you would pick up someone in the library
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
