she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
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That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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