First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
